Perogies postponed!

An annual perogy eating contest in support of the Kelowna Women's Shelter has been postponed until September.

Kelowna restaurant Barb's Delights was scheduled to hold its sixth annual perogy eating contest on May 28th, but the contest has been rescheduled.

In past contests, winners have scarfed down up to 35 perogies in just 20 minutes.

An exact date for the new perogy eating contest is still to be determined. We will keep you posted!

Thanks to those who were planning to take part--- we'll see you in September!

Everyone can play a role in helping end violence

This week the Kelowna Women's Shelter is marking Prevention of Violence Against Women Week. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of intimate partner violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article to local media.

It’s not news that intimate partner violence is an ongoing problem in our society.

Half of all women in Canada have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual assault since the age of 16, and approximately every six days, a woman in this country is killed by her intimate partner.  In Kelowna, which has a range of resources available to victims, including a dedicated RCMP Integrated Domestic Violence Unit, we hold the dubious distinction of being the domestic violence capital of BC, with the highest number of reported incidents.

For the past 36 years, Kelowna Women’s Shelter has offered emergency and transitional housing, counselling, support, education and a fresh start to women and their children who have experienced domestic violence and abuse. Each year we house about 200 women and children, and provide more than a thousand individual and group counselling sessions. 

Our services are free, and well used. And while just over half our budget is funded through the provincial government, we count on generous individual and organizational support to fund the rest.

People in the community often ask how they can help. Here are some suggestions:

Volunteer – Volunteers are the lifeblood of the Kelowna Women’s Shelter, and we couldn’t do what we do without them. Whether you want to sort and price donations at our Thrift Store, provide administrative support or do child care at the Shelter, serve on our board of directors, or staff events in the community, we’d love to hear from you. 

Donate Now – Your donations of money, and goods and services, support a range of valuable programs and services which help women and their children find safe haven and move into a life free of abuse. Tax receipts are available for donations of $20 or more, and you can donate online through our website at kelownawomensshelter.ca.

Leave a Legacy – Planned giving allows you to support Kelowna Women’s Shelter in the form of a direct bequest in your will, or through a gift to our Central Okanagan Foundation endowment fund. This is a great option for those who want to make a difference for years to come without depleting their current assets. Through planned giving you can also benefit from reduced income or estate taxes when you die, and support the Shelter in addition to your heirs. For a copy of our planned giving package, call 778-478-7774.

Violence against women is a men's issue

This week the Kelowna Women's Shelter is marking Prevention of Violence Against Women Week. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of intimate partner violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article to local media.

When it comes to violence against women, too often the most-asked question is “Why doesn’t she leave?”, when we should be asking “Why does he hurt her?”

To suggest it is a woman’s fault or responsibility when the man who has committed to cherish and respect her chooses instead to strike, manipulate, control, or otherwise abuse her is wrong, and indicates a serious lack of education about a complex and nuanced issue.

There are a host of reasons women stay in abusive relationships. One that people rarely consider is love – the victim loves her partner and has made a commitment to work at keeping the relationship together. 

One of the most powerful emotions that comes into play in a woman’s decision to stay with her abuser is fear. Fear of having no place else to go or live. Fear she will not be able to get a job and support herself and her children. Fear that if she leaves, her abuser will follow through on threats to hurt her pets, her children and other family members, and her. Fear that nobody will believe her story. Fear of how friends and family will react. Fear she will never be good enough to be loved by someone else. 

But whatever a woman’s reasons for not leaving an abusive partner, what matters more is the role men can, and should play, in putting an end to male violence against women.

We are fortunate to have countless good men in our community. Men who sponsor and participate in events that raise money for Kelowna Women’s Shelter. Men who volunteer their time, energy and expertise to fix a fence, paint a wall or do other odd jobs around the Shelter. Men who volunteer at our Thrift Store. They are realtors, bankers, accountants, labourers, and entrepreneurs. They are young and they are old. Whether through their business, their service club or on their own time, many good men choose to do their part to end intimate partner violence by supporting the Shelter in a variety of ways.

They, and others, also do their part by standing up against the societal and cultural norms that continue to support a world that objectifies and diminishes women, both of which contribute to a culture of abuse. These men refuse to support the sex industry, they step up and speak out when other men speak disrespectfully of women, and they set an example for other men, and boys, in their circle. 

These men, and men like them everywhere, deserve to be celebrated. Yet sadly, they represent the tiniest drop in a very large bucket. There are still too many men out there who don’t get it. And there is still much work to be done to create a world where people treat each other with respect, and there is truly zero tolerance for intimate partner violence and the attitudes which allow it to flourish. 

This Prevention of Violence Against Women Week we urge all men to show their respect and admiration for humanity by taking a stand against intimate partner violence.

How will you be part of the solution?

Real impact of abuse trauma widely misunderstood

This week the Kelowna Women's Shelter is marking Prevention of Violence Against Women Week. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of intimate partner violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article to local media.

The recent, high profile trial, and subsequent acquittal, of former CBC broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi on four charges of sexual assault and one of choking has shone a long overdue spotlight on how victims of violence respond to trauma.

Throughout the proceedings, the complainants were accused of lying and withholding information. In his ruling, the judge spoke of the victims being “deceptive”, and of their lack of “reliability” and “credibility”. 

Anyone who has worked closely with people who have experienced sexual assault or other forms of intimate partner violence knows reactions to trauma are varied, unpredictable, and often completely different than people, and the system, expect.

In the wake of an assault, victims may feel shame, panic, humiliation, grief, guilt, depression and anxiety. They may question themselves and their memories of the abuse. They may pretend it didn’t happen at all as a way to lessen the trauma response. They may make up, or make nice, with the abuser because they don’t want to be seen as a bad person, or as a misguided way of fixing things, or normalizing something that is far from normal.

And when it comes to victims effectively telling their story, in a courtroom or elsewhere, the reality is that trauma affects memory. Victims of trauma are sometimes unable to express an articulate narrative because the brain tends to hone in on only the most essential details of what occurred. When victims later try to string together the full story of what happened, the details are inaccurate, often not recalled in a lot of detail, and may change from telling to telling.

Too often, when women report an assault, their absolutely natural, post-traumatic inability to relay details of what happened in a manner that satisfies the strict consistency and credibility requirements set by a system that just doesn’t get it, sets them up for failure from the outset.

Which helps explain why assaults are so underreported, and convictions so few. Studies show half of Canadian women have experienced physical or sexual assault. Yet fewer than one in 10 report a sexual assault to police. And although there are about half a million self-reported sexual assaults each year in Canada, in 2006, there were only a little more than 1,500 convictions.

Women who experience sexual and other assaults say they don’t report because they fear reprisal, re-victimization, stigmatization and a justice system that will not help them. 

In the wake of the Ghomeshi trial, those barriers no doubt loom larger than ever for any woman considering reporting an assault, something which takes incredible strength and bravery to do. 

Even if it doesn’t increase the confidence of victims to come forward, one can only hope, at the very least, the discussion and debate sparked by the trial increases public education about the need for more trauma-informed practices at every level of the policing and judicial systems.

Prevention of Violence Against Women Week- Apr. 18-22

The Kelowna Women's Shelter is honouring Prevention of Violence Against Women Week April 18-22. The week is an opportunity to raise awareness about domestic violence and learn about support options available to women within your community. Half of all women in Canada have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence since the age of 16. And if that statistic isn't alarming enough, approximately every six days a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner. The only way to reverse these trends is to talk openly about the problem of domestic violence and to offer support to women experiencing abuse. At the Kelowna Women's Shelter, we provide confidential counselling 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week. We also offer shelter and transitional services for women and children who have experienced abuse as well as educational programs within the Okanagan community. Visit kelownawomensshelter.com for more information.

National Volunteer Week- April 10-16

Next week is National Volunteer Week in Canada and we want to take the opportunity to thank all of our amazing volunteers!

Volunteers are the roots of strong communities. Towns and cities across the country grow more resilient each day thanks to the time and efforts of Canada's 12.7 million volunteers. National Volunteer Week, April 10-16, is an opportunity to recognize their hard-work and thank them for the difference they make.

At the Kelowna Women's Shelter, we have roughly 300 volunteers who dedicate time throughout the year. They do everything from childcare and administration work to special events and social media. We honestly couldn't do what we do at the shelter without their help and support. Thank you so much!

If you're interested in volunteering, we'd love to hear from you. Whether you can give two hours every week or two hours once a year-- every bit makes a difference.

Call our volunteer coordinator for more information- 250-763-1040. Click here for our volunteer application form.

Thank you again to all of the incredible people who donate time and energy to the Kelowna Women's Shelter.

Visit Volunteer Canada for more information about National Volunteer Week.