Orchard Park presents donation

The Kelowna Women's Shelter is grateful to the generous staff and customers at Orchard Park Shopping Centre for a generous donation of $1500. Vikki Webster and Tanya Cormier, representatives of Orchard Park, recently presented the shelter with a cheque. The funds were raised during the mall's "Style Inspirers" campaign. Customers had a chance to win a $1000 shopping spree. How fun is that?! Thank you so much, Orchard Park, and thank you to all of the customers who donated!

Former domestic abuse victim shares story of healing and hope

April 12-18, 2015 is Prevention of Violence Against Women Week. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of family violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article.

Hairstylist Colleen Woelders arrived in Kelowna on a bus from Vancouver Island 15 years ago, with a dislocated and broken shoulder and her eight-month-old son in her arms. She was exhausted and terrified, having finally gathered the courage to leave her partner after another violent attack.

“He used to take the steel toed boots to me, and he had kicked me several times in the past. This time I decided I had enough and reached out for help,” she says.

A counsellor from the Kelowna Women’s Shelter picked her and her infant son up at the bus station, and brought them back to the Shelter, where Colleen could finally get some rest.

“I had been awake all night. Just the feeling of being in a safe place with my son, where I could get some sleep and start to gather my strength gave me such a sense of relief that I could breathe and finally start to heal.”

In the coming weeks, Colleen cried a lot of tears, attended countless individual and group counselling sessions, and started to realize she didn't have to protect her abuser anymore.

“I was so brainwashed, fearful, tired and beaten down,” she says now. “The counsellors at the Shelter were so amazing, and it was powerful to go from being so controlled and dependent on him to becoming a stronger and more independent woman.”

One day during her stay at the Shelter, Colleen saw an employment posting for a hairdresser, and bravely walked in and applied for the job.

Fifteen years later, Colleen owns and operates Kelowna Hair Design, and gives back by training high school students, offering special needs employment opportunities, and providing free services to Kelowna Women’s Shelter clients.

“I know what it feels like to be in that situation. I will always have my chair open for that emergency colour for the girl that’s running and hiding. I will step up and help her change her appearance and do what I can to keep her safe and feeling good about herself.”

Of her time at the Shelter Colleen calls it “lifesaving” and says if she can help one woman make the decision to leave an abusive relationship by speaking out about her experience it is worth it.

“I want women who are in this situation to know if they can face their fears and gather the courage to reach out for help, there is a better, brighter, happier future ahead, and life can be wonderful.”

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter is a non-profit organization that offers emergency transitional housing, counseling, support and education to women and their children who have experienced abuse. For more information, or to make a donation, visit kelownawomensshelter.ca or call 250-763-1040.

Kelowna Women’s Shelter marks 35 years of changing lives

April 12-18, 2015 is Prevention of Violence Against Women Week. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of family violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article.

2015 marks the 35^th anniversary of the Kelowna Women’s Shelter. Since it opened its doors in 1980, the Shelter has helped thousands of women and children who have experienced domestic violence and abuse get a fresh start with emergency housing, and a range of other free and confidential services. Here are some historical highlights:

1980- Kelowna Women’s Shelter opens doors. Shelter services include housing, crisis intervention and support counselling, education, and information on violence against women. 

1987-Weekly drop-in support group launches

1990-Supportive counselling and activity program for children, which later becomes Children Who Witness Abuse (CWWA) and later the SuperNOVA program, launches.

1998-Inside/Out Violence Prevention Program for Youth launches as pilot project at two secondary schools. The program now reaches about 400 children a year.

2003-Kelowna Women’s Shelter Thrift Store opens.

2008-Shelter purchases and renovates adjacent residential property to establish second stage housing facility for up to four, single women.

2011-“Tree of Hope” funds therapeutic trauma counselling program.

2013 – Kelowna Women’s Shelter Thrift Store celebrates 10 year anniversary and relocates to Industrial Avenue from downtown.

2013-2014 – More than 290 community volunteers give in excess of 12,000 hours of their time at the Shelter and Thrift Store.

2015 – Kelowna Women’s Shelter celebrates 35 years of changing lives

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter is a non-profit organization that offers emergency transitional housing, counseling, support and education to women and their children who have experienced abuse. For more information, or to make a donation, visit kelownawomensshelter.ca or call 250-763-1040.

Violence: a very real part of life for too many local women and children

April 12-18, 2015 is Prevention of Violence Against Women Week. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of family violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article.

Imagine racing out of your home in the middle of the night with your little ones in your arms. Fearfully fleeing the partner who was supposed to love, respect and cherish you, but has instead abused and hurt you and your children time and time again.

You have nothing but the clothes on your back and the hard-won courage it took to finally leave a toxic relationship that has left you beaten down, questioning yourself, and feeling alone and ashamed.

For many women in our community, this scenario is an all too common reality. For those with limited options, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter offers safe haven; providing housing, food, clothing, information, and the counselling and support they need, all at no charge.

The Shelter has a long history in the community. Its team of dedicated, highly-trained staff have helped thousands of women and children get a fresh start and move towards a future free of abuse since the Shelter opened its doors in 1980.

But thirty-five years later, the problem of violence against women shows no signs of going away.

On average, every six days a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner. Between 2004 and 2014, domestic violence claimed the lives of 113 women in British Columbia, an average of 10 women a year.

Violence and abuse drive more than 100,000 women and children out of their homes and into Canadian shelters every year. Last year more than 200 of them spent at least one night in the Kelowna Women’s Shelter.

They are our neighbours, our friends, our co-workers. Members of this community who attend school, shop for groceries, attend church, and go to work. If you or someone you know needs help, a safe place to stay or even just someone to talk to, contact the Shelter at 250-763-1040.

All services are confidential, and counselling staff are available 24-hours-a-day to do everything from providing a friendly ear to creating a detailed safety plan. Because abuse is never okay, but asking for help is!

Super Nova Helps Children Shine

Super Nova Support program offers kids a fun way to get a break from stress at home

Every family experiences conflict. When change happens at home, it can be difficult for everyone, and conflict between spouses can affect children more than we realize. Kids tend to isolate. Fear of being different can keep them from sharing their struggles with friends - even their best friends.  But often kids have more in common than they realize.

 

The Super Nova program provides a safe space and fun learning environment where kids between the ages of three and 18 can share what’s going on in their lives.  Participants find out about healthy relationships, learn they are not alone, and receive tools to help them deal with conflict in a positive way.

 

Super Nova, formerly called the Children Who Witness Abuse (CWWA) Program, is a provincial government-funded support program that’s been operating in Kelowna for more than a decade. 

“The kids who participate in SuperNova don’t have to come from a chaotic life, and the conflict they’re experiencing can be minimal,” points out Zoe Borzovoy, who along with Sharon Hulston, leads the program. “Our goal is to provide a safe place where they can come together and meet with other kids or meet with us one on one and talk about what’s going on: what are the changes happening in their life and how has that affected them, and where do we go from there?  How do we put those puzzle pieces back together again in a way that’s going to be really positive for them?”

Top Left: Sharon Hulston and Zoe Borzovoy's enthusiasm
as youth counsellors is positively contagious!

In a typical day, SuperNova starts with icebreaker games based on the week’s theme. If the theme is self-esteem, the group might discuss what makes them special, what leads to not having self-esteem and what are ways of developing great self-esteem.  There is always a game, snack and craft, which in the case of the self-esteem theme might involve making a mirror with positive messages about the child around the border.

 

Programs operate for about six weeks during fall, winter, spring and summer.  The winter session starts in Mid-January and runs until March break.  Each session becomes a closed group after the second week in order to provide the children a safe environment where they feel comfortable opening up.

And while participants aren’t compelled to share their personal stories, and often don’t want to talk much right away, as time goes by many begin to realize they are not the only one experiencing conflict, and they tend to share more openly.

Zoe emphasizes whatever they share is confidential, unless there is a safety issue or a crime has been committed.

 

“Sometimes the child wants a parent to know something but doesn’t know how to talk about it. If a child brings something up that might be beneficial for mom to hear, we’ll ask ‘Do you want mom to know?’” says Zoe.

If transportation is a barrier to a child’s participation, that can be arranged. There is also counseling available for moms, and if dads want to be involved in the child’s learning process, information will be provided.

            

To learn more about Super Nova, contact Zoe or Sharon at cwwa@coess.ca.

Submitted by: Elizabeth Hostland

KWS Volunteer

A LIST OF NFL PLAYERS CAUGHT IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASES

This blog post was submitted by Liz Brown, a Kelowna Women's Shelter Volunteer.

Whether you are a football fan or not, you have probably heard about Ray Rice – the former Baltimore Ravens’ running back who is currently serving an indefinite suspension for domestic assault. The initial assault to his then-fiancé Janay (Palmer) Rice took place last February in an Atlantic City elevator.  TMZ released footage of Rice dragging her out of the elevator.  In September, TMZ released missing footage of the beginning of the elevator incident. Ray Rice renders Palmer unconscious by punching her in the face and then with little dignity drags her out of the elevator. 

Ray Rice was the first big story to highlight domestic violence among NFL players, but he wasn’t the last.  Since September, there have been six different NFL players dealing with domestic assault cases:

ADRIAN PETERSON has been put on the exempt list.  It’s essentially an $11.75 million paid leave from the Minnesota Vikings.  NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is allowing the team to continue paying Peterson while he is off the field dealing with his child abuse accusations.   Earlier this summer, media reported Peterson had whipped his son with a tree branch, leaving marks and bruises on his body.

As of yet, Peterson has not been officially suspended.

More of his story of his allegations here: http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/17/us/adrian-peterson-child-abuse-charges/index.html

(http://www.slate.com/blogs/business_insider/2014/09/22/adrian_peterson_contract_cutting_him_would_save_the_vikings_a_lot_of_money.html)

GREG HARDY plays defense for the Carolina Panthers and is taking a paid leave of absence.  Hardy was convicted in July on misdemeanor assault charges.  Police say he assaulted his girlfriend at the time and threatened to kill her.  He received 18 months of probation and a 60-day suspension.  Hardy is re-trying his case in front of a Jury in November. 

Cris Carter is a former NFL player who shared openly his opinion on child abuse: http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2014/9/14/6147347/cris-carter-espn-comments-about-child-abuse

More of Hardy’s story here: http://www.ctvnews.ca/sports/panthers-deactivate-greg-hardy-until-domestic-violence-case-resolved-1.2011758

JONATHAN DWYER is the running back for the Arizona Cardinals.  He was arrested this September for assaulting a 27-year-old woman and an 18-month-old child.  Dwyer has six charges against him, including one of the assault charges resulting in a fracture.

Cardinals’ coach, Bruce Arians had his hands full.  Last spring, Cardinals’ player Daryl Washington was put on probation for assaulting the mother of his child, where he broke her collarbone.

Coach Arians is taking action and has declared with Dwyer’s recent incident that he won’t be playing this season.  

More details here: http://www.azcentral.com/story/laurieroberts/2014/09/22/nfl-domestic-violence-ray-rice-jonathan-dwyer/15908595/

RAY MCDONALD plays defense for the San Francisco 49ers.  He was accused of felony domestic violence. He has played the first three games of the season and experienced little consequences.

More details here: http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/San-Francisco-49ers-Ray-McDonald-s-home-5772123.php

QUINCY ENUNWA plays for the New York Jets.  He was arrested in early September and charged with simple assault involving a woman in a hotel.  He has pleaded not guilty and is still practicing with the team.

More details here: http://espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/story/_/id/11535131/new-york-jets-wr-quincy-enunwa-domestic-violence-case-being-investigated-league

RAY RICE was the running back for the Minnesota Vikings and the initial story in the NFL’s domestic violence debacle.  The league has given him an indefinite suspension, but is appealing the decision in court.

Many of the above charges and accusations came after the NFL Player’s Association made policy changes around domestic violence.  The changes include: First offenses for players involved in domestic violence result in a six-game unpaid suspension.  A second offense results in a minimum one-year unpaid suspension.  Upon serving the first year, the player can then petition to rejoin the league, but there is no guarantee.

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU:

How do you think the NFL has handled the domestic violence cases? 

What sort of disciplinary action should players receive?

Everyone has important role to play in ending violence against women

The third week of April is Prevention of Violence against Women Week in British Columbia. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of family violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article we are proud to publish.

The question of how to stop the ongoing problem of violence against women is complex, with deep, historical roots in how society views women.

Every day, we are assaulted with imagery and messaging that objectifies women, and supports gender inequality and the deep-seated attitude that women deserve less social power than men.

In addition to providing safe haven and counseling support to women and their children who have experienced abuse, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter is working to change those attitudes, through strategic education programs that target the next generation.

Our SuperNova program for children and Inside/Out Youth Program work to break the generational cycle of abuse by engaging young people to identify and address the issues and challenges they face.

SuperNova is a free, 8-10 week after-school program for children who’ve been affected by family conflict or change.

Each week focuses on a different topic, including self-esteem, identifying and expressing feelings, understanding changes and challenges within families, healthy communication, boundaries, anger, and ways to stay safe.

Over the past year, about 100 children had the opportunity to benefit from SuperNova.

Offered free to schools and community groups, the Inside/Out program uses group discussion, activities, information sharing, and multi-media resources to help students recognize and seek out respectful relationships.

This powerful, interactive program fosters the development of critical thinking skills that empower youth to make positive lifestyle choices, and equips them with the tools to break the cycle of abuse. This school year, more than 400 students from kindergarten to grade 12 participated.

But educational efforts are only one piece of the puzzle. The long-term solution to violence against women is a societal one, and each of us has a part to play in changing the attitudes and behaviours that lead to abuse.

Here are some things we can all do:

·         Address women respectfully at all times. Actions speak louder than words, and boys in particular look up to the men in their lives to model behaviour.

·         Don’t put up with putting down women. Particularly in certain settings such as sports, it seems acceptable to degrade or put down women with language and humour. It isn’t.

·         Teach children it’s important to treat everyone, no matter what their gender, with the same respect they’d like to receive.

·         Encourage young people to admire and emulate heroes – whether professional athletes, movie-stars or musicians – that respect women.

·         Model, and talk about, healthy relationships.

·         If you witness a woman being threatened or assaulted, offer your help or call 911.

Kelowna Women’s Shelter offers free help, 24 hours a day

The third week of April is Prevention of Violence against Women Week in British Columbia. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of family violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article we are proud to publish.

Unless you’ve lived it, it’s almost impossible to imagine what it must be like to experience family violence and abuse.

Imagine your partner slammed out of the house after shouting, raging, and calling you names. No matter how hard you try, you can’t avert his verbal attacks.

Imagine you have just gotten a call from your partner saying he's on his way home and “You are going to get what you deserve”.  Last time he said that, he beat you so viciously you thought you might die while your children cowered in the next room.

Imagine knowing you must leave your home with your children, perhaps within a matter of minutes - but you have no way to leave and nowhere to go and no money to pay for anything. What would you do? Who would you call?

When a woman experiencing violence and abuse reaches out for help, it is essential the services she needs are immediately accessible and available, and that they adequately meet her needs and the needs of her children.

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter opened its doors 34 years ago to provide services to women and children whose lives have been impacted by family violence, abuse and significant trauma or crisis. Kelowna Women’s Shelter staff and services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and everything is confidential and free of charge. 

The primary objective of the Kelowna Women’s Shelter is to offer women and children safety and an opportunity to create a future free of violence and abuse. In practical terms, this necessitates a continuum of counseling and support services designed to meet the needs of women at any stage of dealing with violence and abuse within a relationship.

Accessing Kelowna Women’s Shelter services is as simple as making a phone call.  An initial call can provide validation, support, information, referrals, help with decision-making and safety planning, or when necessary, immediate transportation to a safe location.

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter provides, most importantly, a safe, confidential setting in which women and children benefit from the compassion, respect and non-judgmental support of a knowledgeable staff. 

Women and children can access non-residential services including group and individual counseling and support, referrals and advocacy. 

If a woman (and her kids) need a safe place to stay, they can be assured of a clean welcoming household, food, transportation, caring childcare staff in a well-stocked playroom, and counselors offering crisis intervention counseling, referrals to other community resources, advocacy, accompaniment to court or appointments, and group and individual counseling. 

Long-term support, follow-up visits, and outreach services are also available to assist a woman and her children in transitioning to a new life free from abuse.

The range of services available make it possible for a woman to move beyond a life of violence and abuse to a future free of violence, and full of hope.

If you need help or know someone who does, please call the Kelowna Women’s Shelter at 250 763-1040.  Help is available.

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter is a non-profit organization that offers emergency transitional housing, counseling, support and education to women and their children who have experienced abuse. For more information, or to make a donation, visit kelownawomensshelter.ca or call 250-763-1040.

Violence Against Women Ongoing Issue

Kelowna Women's Shelter Spring Event News