Everyone has important role to play in ending violence against women

The third week of April is Prevention of Violence against Women Week in British Columbia. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of family violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article we are proud to publish.

The question of how to stop the ongoing problem of violence against women is complex, with deep, historical roots in how society views women.

Every day, we are assaulted with imagery and messaging that objectifies women, and supports gender inequality and the deep-seated attitude that women deserve less social power than men.

In addition to providing safe haven and counseling support to women and their children who have experienced abuse, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter is working to change those attitudes, through strategic education programs that target the next generation.

Our SuperNova program for children and Inside/Out Youth Program work to break the generational cycle of abuse by engaging young people to identify and address the issues and challenges they face.

SuperNova is a free, 8-10 week after-school program for children who’ve been affected by family conflict or change.

Each week focuses on a different topic, including self-esteem, identifying and expressing feelings, understanding changes and challenges within families, healthy communication, boundaries, anger, and ways to stay safe.

Over the past year, about 100 children had the opportunity to benefit from SuperNova.

Offered free to schools and community groups, the Inside/Out program uses group discussion, activities, information sharing, and multi-media resources to help students recognize and seek out respectful relationships.

This powerful, interactive program fosters the development of critical thinking skills that empower youth to make positive lifestyle choices, and equips them with the tools to break the cycle of abuse. This school year, more than 400 students from kindergarten to grade 12 participated.

But educational efforts are only one piece of the puzzle. The long-term solution to violence against women is a societal one, and each of us has a part to play in changing the attitudes and behaviours that lead to abuse.

Here are some things we can all do:

·         Address women respectfully at all times. Actions speak louder than words, and boys in particular look up to the men in their lives to model behaviour.

·         Don’t put up with putting down women. Particularly in certain settings such as sports, it seems acceptable to degrade or put down women with language and humour. It isn’t.

·         Teach children it’s important to treat everyone, no matter what their gender, with the same respect they’d like to receive.

·         Encourage young people to admire and emulate heroes – whether professional athletes, movie-stars or musicians – that respect women.

·         Model, and talk about, healthy relationships.

·         If you witness a woman being threatened or assaulted, offer your help or call 911.

Kelowna Women’s Shelter offers free help, 24 hours a day

The third week of April is Prevention of Violence against Women Week in British Columbia. As part of its efforts to focus attention on the ongoing issue of family violence, and galvanize the community to take action to help prevent it, the Kelowna Women’s Shelter submitted this article we are proud to publish.

Unless you’ve lived it, it’s almost impossible to imagine what it must be like to experience family violence and abuse.

Imagine your partner slammed out of the house after shouting, raging, and calling you names. No matter how hard you try, you can’t avert his verbal attacks.

Imagine you have just gotten a call from your partner saying he's on his way home and “You are going to get what you deserve”.  Last time he said that, he beat you so viciously you thought you might die while your children cowered in the next room.

Imagine knowing you must leave your home with your children, perhaps within a matter of minutes - but you have no way to leave and nowhere to go and no money to pay for anything. What would you do? Who would you call?

When a woman experiencing violence and abuse reaches out for help, it is essential the services she needs are immediately accessible and available, and that they adequately meet her needs and the needs of her children.

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter opened its doors 34 years ago to provide services to women and children whose lives have been impacted by family violence, abuse and significant trauma or crisis. Kelowna Women’s Shelter staff and services are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and everything is confidential and free of charge. 

The primary objective of the Kelowna Women’s Shelter is to offer women and children safety and an opportunity to create a future free of violence and abuse. In practical terms, this necessitates a continuum of counseling and support services designed to meet the needs of women at any stage of dealing with violence and abuse within a relationship.

Accessing Kelowna Women’s Shelter services is as simple as making a phone call.  An initial call can provide validation, support, information, referrals, help with decision-making and safety planning, or when necessary, immediate transportation to a safe location.

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter provides, most importantly, a safe, confidential setting in which women and children benefit from the compassion, respect and non-judgmental support of a knowledgeable staff. 

Women and children can access non-residential services including group and individual counseling and support, referrals and advocacy. 

If a woman (and her kids) need a safe place to stay, they can be assured of a clean welcoming household, food, transportation, caring childcare staff in a well-stocked playroom, and counselors offering crisis intervention counseling, referrals to other community resources, advocacy, accompaniment to court or appointments, and group and individual counseling. 

Long-term support, follow-up visits, and outreach services are also available to assist a woman and her children in transitioning to a new life free from abuse.

The range of services available make it possible for a woman to move beyond a life of violence and abuse to a future free of violence, and full of hope.

If you need help or know someone who does, please call the Kelowna Women’s Shelter at 250 763-1040.  Help is available.

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter is a non-profit organization that offers emergency transitional housing, counseling, support and education to women and their children who have experienced abuse. For more information, or to make a donation, visit kelownawomensshelter.ca or call 250-763-1040.

Violence Against Women Ongoing Issue

Kelowna Women's Shelter Spring Event News

The Shoe Story - posted by Kathleen Lemieux

Part of my role at the shelter is to create awareness about the issue of family violence and about the shelter and our services.  In doing this, I often go out into the community and share true stories about our clients and our work.  I gather these stories first hand and from our counsellors and staff.  This is a short story Laura Banman, our shelter’s Program and Staffing Manager, told me.  I’ll never forget it because not once has it ever failed to move me. I think of it as the ‘Shoe Story’. 

Katie is one of our clients.  When she arrived with her children, Danny and Emma, they immediately were busy – not checking out the playroom or what TV channels we had, but finding hiding places and mapping out escape routes for when ‘he’ showed up, because they were positive that he would, and they knew from experience that it was important to be prepared.  Much as we tried to reassure them that the Shelter was a safe place, they were unconvinced.  When bedtime came the first night, they were okay with putting on pajamas, but they were adamant they needed to sleep with their shoes on because last time he found them in the middle of the night and they were forced to flee barefoot in the darkness. 

The Shelter provided safety and support for Katie, Danny and Emma.  They were able to access counselling services and received referrals to the resources they needed.  The children learned that they were not alone, that the abuse was not their fault and that they could be safe.  Katie and the children were given the opportunity for a new life, free from abuse.  This is the story of just one of the many families we were able to help. 

Will Santa know where we are?

There is no time of year when it is “easy” to leave an abusive relationship, however perhaps the most difficult time to leave the comforts of home and all your possessions is during the Christmas season – a time when images of good will and family togetherness are everywhere and expectations for a lovely and loving holiday season are high.  Regardless of socio-economic status, women accessing Shelter services generally do not have access to financial resources and, because of safety concerns, do not have the option of spending time with family. 

It isn’t hard to imagine how this time of year would immeasurably increase stress for mom’s who have left an abusive relationship and are accessing Shelter services.  They arrive frightened, heartbroken, and facing an uncertain future – and Christmas is right around the corner.  As moms struggle to deal with the emotional aftermath of the violence and abuse and make decisions and plans for a better future, a child’s biggest concern is often “Will Santa know where we are so he can bring our presents?”

Thankfully, there is a strong commitment within the Shelter and within our community to making Christmas the best it can be for women and children accessing Shelter services.  There are decorations, music, photographers offering free Christmas portraits, a steady stream of food and gifts arriving at the door, generous hampers for those establishing new households, and Christmas party fun for all!  Thanks to the generosity of First Baptist Church, who regularly provide space for a variety of Shelter client and volunteer events throughout the year, a venue is available for both a women’s Christmas party and a mom’s and children’s Christmas party.

The annual Children’s Christmas Party in mid –December is a highlight of the year for many.  All of the mothers and children who have accessed Shelter services in the past year are invited to enjoy games, face painting, cookie decorating, snacks, gifts, a magic show and a very special visit from Santa Claus. The children are also given an opportunity to choose and wrap a gift for their mothers. They take such great care picking out something special .We  are expecting over 120 children and 90 mothers/care providers to attend the party.  Our team of hard working "elves" do their very best to make each and every one of our guests feel valued and special. We are very grateful to our main sponsor, Royal LePage, whose generosity makes this wonderful event possible. The Realtors from RLP purchase the majority of gifts for the party and about 50 volunteers make sure the gifts are all wrapped beautifully for the big day.

The second Christmas party is the Women’s party, once again, thanks to generous community support.  Sunrise Rotary club prepares and serves a wonderful holiday meal with all the fixings.  There are games and music and entertainment and gifts – for some women the only gift they will receive.

The desire to help others and a giving spirit shows that the holidays really do bring out the best in people – staff, volunteers, community groups and individuals – all working together to help to create a new Christmas ‘normal’ for both women and children.. The shelter’s holiday events help our clients through a very difficult time of transition and we are grateful to all those who play a part in making this all happen.

Innovative fundraiser lets people support Kelowna Women's Shelter just by sending a text message

 Kelowna, B.C., November 27, 2013

The Kelowna Women’s Shelter is hoping a new fundraising campaign that allows supporters to donate right from their smart phones by sending a text message will help top up the organization’s coffers over the holiday season and raise awareness about the shelter.

The campaign reminds people a donation of as little as $10 can help change a life. By simply texting the word SHELTER to the number 20222 and a $10 contribution will be added to their smart phone bill.

“For women who’ve fled an abusive home with their children, the Christmas season can be particularly difficult,” points out Kathleen Lemieux, Resource Development Coordinator at the Kelowna Women’s Shelter. “If this campaign makes it easier for people to support the valuable work the Shelter is doing, we can have a bigger impact on the lives of women and children in our community.”

This is the first time the Women’s Shelter has undertaken a texting-based fundraising campaign, which it hopes will grab the attention of a younger group of potential supporters.

“We believe this campaign may be just what we need to engage donors in the 18 to 30-year-old demographic,” says Lemieux. “By offering the opportunity to give a smaller amount of money in such a simple fashion, we can begin building community support in new ways.”

The campaign is slated to run through the end of the year, and will be promoted on radio and on the Shelter’s website, and Twitter and Facebook feeds.

Winter 2013-14 Shelter Newsletter is now online!

Rethinking the Stereotypes 

I don’t fit the stereotype of an abused woman. At least not the one I always carried around in my head. I’m university educated. A respected professional and busy mom. From the outside looking in, it probably seemed I had it all: A successful husband, a beautiful home, great kids, my own career and interests, and a large network of close friends and family.

But from the inside looking out, my reality was different.

At 22, just out of university, I married the man I loved. Smart and charming, he had a wry wit, sharp conversational abilities and a boyish, fun-loving nature that appealed to my own sense of joie de vivre. He was also a bully; selfish and narcissistic, emotionally immature, quick to anger and even quicker to yank his love and support out from under me if I didn’t perform exactly as he wanted.

As a lifetime over-achiever who still struggles with self-esteem, I felt lucky he had chosen me. I convinced myself when he diminished me, called me names, defined me by my mistakes and listed my many flaws he was trying to help me be a better person. I believed him when he said it was all my fault. That if I would only do or say things differently he wouldn’t be forced to act the way he did.

Read more of this article and about various Shelter facts & events in our newsletter (PDF) here >>

Things Are Ramping Up for Christmas at the Shelter

Things are really ramping up for Christmas now. Gifts are arriving at the shelter, the winter newsletter is complete and we are all busy preparing for the many upcoming events and activities. Thanks to all the Volunteers, Board members and Staff who came out and helped with the Thrift Store move and third party events. It is so nice to see so much support from within the shelter and the donors really appreciate it

• The Thrift Store- We received tremendous support from the community, staff and volunteers with the Thrift Store move. A special shout out to staff members Jan and Jessi who came to volunteer their time. Karen Leboe has been working very hard on all the logistics. We are now at the new location at #6-368 Industrial finishing up some construction work and should be open in a week or so. We’ll keep you posted.
  
• Cedar Creek Women and Wine Event- This popular event raised awareness and $2272 in cash and gift cards plus a van full of non-perishable food items and cleaning products. Wow! Thanks to all who volunteered on that cold day: Alice, Sharon B., Tracey, MJ, Jan, Morgan and Judy.
  
• 2nd Annual Melanie Lyne Fashion Show Fundraiser What a fun time we had. The clothes were so beautiful. Thanks to the lovely models, including our very own Crystal, and board members who spoke – Alice and Gail. The event raised $760 for the shelter.
  
• The Sensai-tional Ladies Night at the Cove was a very well attended and organized event. Great fun and food was had by all. Thanks to Sharon B, Gail, Crystal and the 10 volunteers who attended and represented the shelter. We should be receiving word soon on the totals raised.
  
• The Well Church –Members from the Well church came out to the shelter once again to help us out and painted our main entrance room – it looks all fresh and bright.

Let's Talk About Relationships

A presentation put together by Inside/Out Violence Prevention for Youth

 

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